the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
