Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
