Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
