I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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