she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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