Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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