worst night to have a conscience
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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