I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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