you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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