I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
