had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
