I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
