masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The feeling are messing with the penis
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize