Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
