I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
only if we run a train.
done.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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