So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
