Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
