i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
