**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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