The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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