before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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