You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
