he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have post one night stand depression
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