You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
