I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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