....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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