Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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