Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize