can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
