It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
