I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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