Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
