She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
