it's too hot outside to masturbate.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize