Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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