Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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