I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
