pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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