I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
