hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
