we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
