My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
