Where did you get a picture of my penis
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
