Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
