he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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