I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's always time for handjobs
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
