Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
