Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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