Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
