when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize