Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
