I heard we made out
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
