he shaved USA in his pubs
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize