I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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