Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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