Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
