Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
