i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
