I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
