we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
