Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
sarcasm needs its own font
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
