let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
