yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
