tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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