apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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