Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
