I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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