Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
