enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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