If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
