I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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