Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
