Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
