My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
