Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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